


If everything went black, I'd still want you to guide me to the light

by poetintheclouds



Category: Higher Ground
Genre: Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28193988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetintheclouds/pseuds/poetintheclouds
Summary: Scott's dad doesn't allow him to go back to Horizon which sends Scott back into the downwards spiral that he was in before.
Relationships: Scott Barringer/Shelby Merrick
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

"I ordered for you! Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, chocolate cherry shake», his dad chuckled as Scott sat down. Scott was already tired of the pretending. Tired of pretending that everything was normal.

«Just like mom. We ate here a couple of weeks ago»

«Yeah, I know, she called», his dad looked dejected.

Why was his dad trying to trivialize the conversation? Did he not care at all that he had just taken him from the one place where he felt normal?

«So…how long are we not gonna talk about it?»

«Well, I don’t think this is the right time or place, son», his dad looked shifty, like he wanted to keep him quiet.

«Is there ever gonna be a right time or place, _Dad_?»

«To tell you the truth, it’s not something that I am ready to talk about»

Scott stood up. He was tired of his dad pretending that nothing had happened, that nothing was wrong. _Everything_ was wrong.

«Well, then maybe you should go to Horizon. Because all we do there is talk! We talk about drugs, we talk about depression, we talk about stepmoms seducing and molesting their stepsons-»

«Scott, I told you I don’t want to talk about it right now», his dad was clearly embarrassed. Well, ever since he got to Horizon Scott didn’t really care about embarrassing himself anymore.

«Well, I _do_ , Dad!»

«Not here», his dad dismissed him. 

«Yeah, _here,_ now! Why didn’t you believe me?!»

«It wasn’t something that I wanted to believe!»

«That’s great, Dad. So, make me carry all the water, let me do all the heavy lifting»

«That’s how you can look at it»

«How else should I look at it, Dad?»

«Look at it from my point of view. You’re my _son_ »

And Scott was tired of that excuse.

«And she was your _wife_!»

His dad stood up.

«Yeah, she was my wife and you didn’t have the guts to say no, not once, not once did you have the guts to say no!»

Finally, some real emotion. Still, that remark felt like a punch in the gut. It hurt so much that Scott wanted to run right then and there.

«Is that what you are saying, that it’s my fault?»

«Yes, if you couldn’t control yourself whose fault do you think it was?»

« _Hers_ , Dad, don’t you get it?! Hers, not mine, hers!»

And Scott knew there were tears on his cheeks, running across his face.

«Scott, just sit down»

«But, dad-»

«Sit down. Now!»

Scott could feel his heart racing. He hadn’t felt so anxious in a very long time. The pure and cold mountain air was already leaving his system. _Please don’t take this from me, dad, please._ The hope that had formed inside of his head throughout the past four months was already beginning to disintegrate at the edges. Almost as if it had never been there at all. He sat back down again.

«You are coming home with me, Scott, like it or not. This whole thing with Elaine has already made such a mess of you but it’s enough _now_ »

Scott’s dad put the palm of his hand up at that last word as if to physically stop the bad memories. But Scott remembered anyways.

_«Scotty?»_

_«Scotty, you up?»_

He gripped the edge of the table in order to ground himself back in reality.

_1…_

_2…_

_3…_

_4…_

_5…_

_6…_

_7…_

_8…_

_9…_

_10…_

He felt better. Marginally.

Peter had taught him that. Peter had taught him everything he knew. Well, at least since… _Elaine._

And despite his father’s disappointed gaze he was unable to eat another bite. Food suddenly felt gross. They left the restaurant as quickly as they could.

Back home, his dad sighed and turned off the motor.

«Dad, I’m sorry»

His dad just shook his head.

«Just try to be better»

And he left the car and slammed the door behind him.

Scott was so frustrated that he couldn’t even scream. He resorted to also slamming the car door behind him.

Later that evening, he broke down in his room and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else wishing they had made a second season? I wish they would remake this show today but I think we all know that Netflix or Freeform would sensationalize/trivialize/ruin it. I wish a smaller, independent production company would pick it up. Maybe someday? Until that we will always have fanfic;)


	2. Chapter 2

"Scott? Scott, wake up!"

"Huh?", someone was shaking his shoulder.

"You slept on the floor. Get up!"

But Scott didn't budge. 

"What is wrong with you?", his dad finally asked.

And Scott wanted to tell him about Elaine and about how she had contaminated his bed sheets. How she had made sleeping in his bed another task that he failed to fulfil.

But he knew his dad would just get angry at the reminder.

"Yeah, sorry, I must have slept in"

"Yeah, and you better get up", his father shook him once more, "I've already talked to your coach. He'd be willing to let you back on the team if you could qualify for a trial run"

"No!", Scott exclaimed. All of his old friends were on that team. They would laugh at him, mock him. They had done so the first time he pissed into his uniform, a nasty side effect of the amphetamines that he had been taking. But then his dad gave him a look of anger and desperation.

"Sorry, dad, I'll give it a go", he mumbled.

He wanted to feel normal. But he felt floaty instead.

But then he smashed it. Of course he did. He had always been better than everyone. And he thought that maybe, he _could_ be normal again. He _could_ be, if he tried hard enough. The envious looks of his former friends made his morning that much better. The team captain even patted him on the back.

"I’m glad you’re back, Scott»

A sense of long-forgotten pride filled him.

"We thought you were in jail", one of his former friends before… _Elaine_ remarked.

"So what if I was?"

That left the others on the team stunned. Finally, one of them made a dumb joke and they all started laughing. He knew why they were asking. They wanted to know why on earth coach had given him a second chance. He had promised his dad not to tell anyone where he had been, so he left.

Something foreign to Horizon: Envy. No-one was envious of anyone because they all knew that they had fucked up in some shape or form.

Back home, Scott quickly typed a number into the telephone that he had memorized in a rush, right before he left. 

"Shelby, I miss you", he sighed into the telephone when they finally put him through to her.

"I miss you too, you idiot"

"How are things at Horizon?»

"Terrible as always. You know that the princess puked into her pudding last night?»

"Really. She relapse or something?"

"Yeah. She’d been feeling sick all day and into the pudding it went"

Scott pushed the receiver closer to his ear.

"A freak show"

"Yeah, sucks"

A moment of silence.

"Are you doing anything you shouldn't be doing?"

He knew what Shelby was asking him. He knew she wouldn't judge him.

"No"

"You know, when I first got here, it was all that I wanted to do"

«Yeah»

"Now I don’t know"

"You would tell me, right? If you were?», she inquired further.

"Yeah", Scott smirked. She cared so much, she definitely wasn’t the femme fatale he had thought she was at the beginning. And she was so pretty as well.

"You know, I wish you were here", she said after a moment of silence.

"Me too"

Scott could feel a wave of emotion rushing in but he quickly pushed it down. He didn’t need to get all weepy in front of Shelby.

"Peter wants me to do the dishes. We’ll talk later"

"Later", Scott whispered but she had already gone. Far away.


End file.
